a nutshell of memory

"deaf and dumb, blind, and lame"

the roots of my family- you as a kid in north wales, your grand parents or maybe even great

you sleeping. these ones, I don't know who they were.

there is a lot of beauty everywhere. I miss you so much. That watermelon was full of vodka, eaten up and then sculpted.

there are some things that I hope I always remember. That canoe trip will be one of them, I'm sure of it. My eyes give me away. Just before that boat picked us up, Anastasia changed behind a tiny tree and the tour guide saw her in her undies.

we are spelling "Jewel" with our hands. we played with that chicken for so long that day. we were between museums. we were playing cards, I think.

we were reading the muppet book and making funny voices quietly in the corner. we were relaxing after working hard all day. we were spooning. we were just waiting for that giant balloon to burst.

that whole reel of film is on the floor! we were dancing. i was alone in London at my first Wilco concert. you drew that picture on my arm.

that's wales, it's always that beautiful. those are my cousins when they were young. they were six and nine, I think. I don't even know who these people are, but it struck me as such a strange photograph- such a white coloured room, snacking in a florida hotel room or something.

My sisters kids are now the same age as my sister and brother in that picture. that golden sunlight is the kind I am always craving.

this is my family before I was born. I think they stopped taking pictures after I came along.

that hike was all uphill, and then the view was so pretty. we made oatmeal chamomile face masks on that day that we robbed the southampton market blind. this was our party at encounters with canada, I thought I fell in love that week but I was only fifteen but I dunno.

my sister and I used to talk about wishing the other didn't exist, we were so mean to eachother. This is before that. Callie looks so much like Emma does in the picture. I can't picture my parents like this anymore.

people I wish I'd been able to know, places I wish I could go back to and have them be the same way.

sun on the rock, the ice on the river in southampton, a field with falling down house.

i want to go fishing. i want to go to the cottage. and go fishing off the lighthouse dock. there was always a dead fish on shore down there. and we only ever caught baby catfish.

the cottage again.

that doorway leads to the fountain of youth- how do I get there? That was my Taid's optician shop. I carry all my crappy sunglasses around in nice leather cases with "W.E. Davies" written on them in gold.

my dad and uncle bill, in the tub and then with bows and arrows. the princess cabin at snake lake, eight by twelve feet? and cozy cozy. I love it when two photographs blend together like these.

my old kitchen and all of the things that used to sit and hang in there. My taid, looking how he always looked and me wishing I could talk to him.

I want to mix up colours that look and feel like that, and them put them onto something that I can put somewhere to look at.