so dandy and fine, so young and so cruel

Sarah Harmer last night at the old Meaford Opera House. Lovely view from the balcony, acoustics were perfect. Hearing almost all of the songs from the new album, and loving them, and being excited to hear them again. Thinking about her songs, the way she sings about simple things, and complicated things. The feeling of certain weather, of a way it is with a person, how she creates an atmosphere that feels really tangible whether its a place or a feeling. Such a beautiful rainy evening. And Lindi Ortega with her Dolly Parton-esque voice, so powerful and folky and sweet. Listening to music like that makes me crave playing music, to sing my heart out and hit high notes. I want to sit close to someone and harmonize. Where are all of the sing-songs going on? In my car alone is good but it's never enough.

Today, in a little while, I am going to see my new friend Mary Ellen for some energy therapy. See about my chakras. Maybe get some things aligned, figure out where the sore spots are and get things flowing again.

I have decided to move out of the little space in my head that I've been inhabiting and get my skin and my brain exposed to the outside world again. I need to feel some cold gusts, some hard rain or just dew, hot sun, shade, hot sand, water on my feet, cold water plunges in my undies, some night air, morning air, air in my lungs whooshing through my window, on my bike, stretch my muscles, sweat out everything, build up some things, get rid of some shit, make some shit.

I have been perpetually writing to-do lists- write some letters, bake some bread, stretch, find a good pencil and pen, figure everything out, write it down, write down my dreams.

The other night I set my alarm clock for 5:15am, enough time to get ready and be at work on time. Then I got myself into that in-between state and I dreamt that I needed to make a load of tuna sandwiches for the Shriner's convention that was happening at work. I re-set my alarm clock to 4:20am thinking that the extra hour would be enough time to make the sandwiches. When the alarm went off at 4:20 I awoke with a start- remembering the sandwiches sort of, having to go through what I know in my head, and decide whether the sandwiches were real or something that my mind made up. The Shriner's were definitely real. I eventually decided that I probably didn't need to make sandwiches and so I went back to sleep. It makes me wonder what else I do when I'm sort of sleeping. When my physical body is still working normally, dexterous enough to fiddle with an alarm clock, who knows what else.

Just finished 'Generation A' and in a strange way it has mirrored certain thoughts I've been having about technology lately. I don't want my future to get absorbed into something I don't understand. I don't have a complete phobia, but I know certain things for sure- I prefer wood to metal or plastic. I want to hear someone's voice straight from the source. I want to see words written down the way a hand holding a pen writes them down. I need to feel energy from organic matter. I don't even know what I'm saying, it's just a feeling.

Morning is going by, coffee is burning little holes in my belly, sun is shining so strongly onto my backyard, Winnie's paws are wet and dirty from digging, time is just time is right now and now and, now I am going to go back outside.